1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:04,910
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:04,977 --> 00:00:09,085
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:09,151 --> 00:00:13,026
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
4
00:00:13,093 --> 00:00:17,001
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,067 --> 00:00:21,242
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
6
00:00:21,309 --> 00:00:23,581
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:24,583
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,919
Ooh! [growls]
9
00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,689
Mommy!
Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:29,258
Duncan!
Duncan!
11
00:00:34,636 --> 00:00:36,306
Come on, clock.
12
00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:40,815
Mrs. Snyder, I have a note for
early dismissal at 11:00 a. m.
13
00:00:40,882 --> 00:00:41,884
and it's 11:00 a. m.
14
00:00:41,951 --> 00:00:44,455
God, it's only 11:00?
Fine, go.
15
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:46,627
I can't really talk about
why I'm leaving early,
16
00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:48,029
but it's pretty big.
17
00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:49,332
Also, everyone should know
18
00:00:49,398 --> 00:00:52,739
when I come back,
I won't be the same, so...
19
00:00:52,806 --> 00:00:54,977
Sorry, did someone ask,
"Why are you leaving early?"
20
00:00:55,043 --> 00:00:56,112
No.
Well,
21
00:00:56,179 --> 00:00:58,216
it's not because
a relative suddenly died.
22
00:00:58,283 --> 00:01:00,087
And it's not because
there's pee
23
00:01:00,153 --> 00:01:01,957
mysteriously on the front
of my pants again.
24
00:01:02,024 --> 00:01:04,930
It's because
I'm getting my braces off.
25
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:06,499
Whoo!
26
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,736
Yas, Kim!
27
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:10,942
Sorry, you paid me to ask why
you're leaving and I forgot.
28
00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:12,545
Enjoy the rest
of English class, Marcus.
29
00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:15,685
The next time you see
this girl, she'll be a woman.
30
00:01:15,752 --> 00:01:16,687
Okay.
31
00:01:16,754 --> 00:01:19,492
Kimberly, go!
32
00:01:19,559 --> 00:01:20,962
Tata for now.
33
00:01:21,029 --> 00:01:23,066
[muffled] Come on!
34
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:25,404
I hate my life!
35
00:01:30,515 --> 00:01:32,552
Hey, we don't keep
any cash onsite.
36
00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:35,390
I'm not here to rob you!
I'm so sorry.
37
00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:37,962
The AA meeting
is down the hall.
38
00:01:38,029 --> 00:01:40,400
They think you're a drunk.
I get this all the time.
39
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,539
My rock and roll persona
scares some people.
40
00:01:42,605 --> 00:01:44,676
It's my badass cross to bear.
41
00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:49,318
My renegade husband and I are
here for our daughter's braces.
42
00:01:49,385 --> 00:01:51,089
Hey, it says on Reddit
that half the people
43
00:01:51,155 --> 00:01:54,596
who get their braces off,
their teeth come off with them.
44
00:01:54,663 --> 00:01:55,464
Shut up!
45
00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:57,869
This one girl had
to make new teeth
46
00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:59,740
out of her own toe bones.
47
00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:00,808
Mom!
Oh!
48
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:04,215
And now, she can't smile
or wear opentoed shoes.
49
00:02:04,281 --> 00:02:06,754
You're gonna be stumbling
around with toeteeth.
50
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:08,691
[chuckles]
Oohow!
51
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,193
Mom!
52
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,464
Jack, get Duncan outta here.
53
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,970
Come on, Dunker.
Let's blow this joint.
54
00:02:15,036 --> 00:02:17,609
Let go of me, you drunk!
55
00:02:17,675 --> 00:02:18,944
So what first?
56
00:02:19,011 --> 00:02:21,449
You wanna go look in the window
where Tower Records used to be?
57
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:24,255
It's a lamp store now,
but the vibe is still there.
58
00:02:24,321 --> 00:02:26,325
Ugh, can I go back
to school, please?
59
00:02:26,392 --> 00:02:28,631
Oh, my God.
Duncan, look.
60
00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:30,267
A barbershop!
61
00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:33,439
So? You said barbershops
are hair slaughterhouses.
62
00:02:33,507 --> 00:02:36,045
But this is
a cool barbershop.
63
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,682
How can you tell it's cool?
64
00:02:37,749 --> 00:02:39,418
There's a skull!
65
00:02:39,485 --> 00:02:41,924
"Rockins Welcome"?!
66
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:43,359
Oh, we're doing this.
67
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:50,173
You here for a drink?
Cut? Tattoo?
68
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,944
Or just to rev a motorcycle?
69
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,346
Whoa! Rev, please.
70
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:56,887
Rev. Rev, rev.
[coughing]
71
00:02:56,954 --> 00:02:59,225
And I'm gonna spruce up
my ravishing mane,
72
00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:01,697
but first, beer me
and ginger beer him.
73
00:03:04,068 --> 00:03:06,506
Ahh.
Spicy.
74
00:03:06,573 --> 00:03:07,709
Ow!
75
00:03:07,775 --> 00:03:08,911
Ahh.
76
00:03:08,978 --> 00:03:10,280
[gags]
77
00:03:10,347 --> 00:03:12,585
All righty,
let's get those braces off.
78
00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:15,190
[mutters]
I'm sorry, what?
79
00:03:15,257 --> 00:03:17,361
I said, "Goodbye forever,
old Kimberly.
80
00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:20,768
'Twas a beautiful journey,
but now 'tis done."
81
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:21,970
All right.
82
00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:26,178
[bed cloth tears]
You're up.
83
00:03:26,245 --> 00:03:29,251
Let Daddio show you
how it's done.
84
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:30,554
[bed cloth tears]
85
00:03:30,621 --> 00:03:32,357
You're up.
86
00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:35,397
Who's rockin' my chair next?
Big Jack Harris!
87
00:03:35,463 --> 00:03:38,236
That's the nickname
I've secretly always wanted!
88
00:03:38,303 --> 00:03:39,773
How about some Jack, Jack?
89
00:03:39,839 --> 00:03:41,710
Sorry, my wife doesn't
let me have brown liquor.
90
00:03:41,777 --> 00:03:44,381
She says it makes me
"sad and sleepy."
91
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,586
Well, your wife ain't here,
is she?
92
00:03:46,653 --> 00:03:48,356
[laughter]
93
00:03:48,423 --> 00:03:50,761
[sadly] My kids are
growing up so fast.
94
00:03:50,828 --> 00:03:52,899
[snoring]
95
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,268
[pinball machine pings]
96
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,740
[grunts]
97
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:58,142
Okay, you're up.
98
00:03:58,209 --> 00:03:59,679
All righty,
just got to make sure
99
00:03:59,746 --> 00:04:01,583
your teeth don't come out
with it.
100
00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:02,719
What?!
101
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,423
And you're good.
No toe bones for you.
102
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,795
[gasps]
Oh, my God!
103
00:04:07,862 --> 00:04:11,168
[uplifting music]
104
00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:15,276
♪ I've waited for this moment
for what feels like eternity ♪
105
00:04:15,343 --> 00:04:18,416
♪ But today's the day
I can finally say ♪
106
00:04:18,483 --> 00:04:22,257
♪ I am free
107
00:04:22,324 --> 00:04:24,461
♪ I can chew all the gum
I want to ♪
108
00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:26,465
♪ I can get an MRI
109
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,169
♪ I can walk through
a lightning storm ♪
110
00:04:28,236 --> 00:04:30,240
♪ 'Cause it'll strike
some other guy ♪
111
00:04:30,306 --> 00:04:32,377
♪ I can smile
without scaring babies ♪
112
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,248
♪ I can eat
every sticky dessert ♪
113
00:04:34,314 --> 00:04:36,085
♪ I can safely walk
by magnets ♪
114
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:39,024
♪ You can kick me in the face,
and it won't even hurt ♪
115
00:04:39,091 --> 00:04:40,160
[horse neighs]
116
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:43,132
♪ Well, it hurts a little
117
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,170
♪ Look at me, I'm Kimberly
118
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:47,307
♪ I got a metalfree
oral cavity ♪
119
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:50,981
♪ I wanna stand on the rooftop
and shout ♪
120
00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:55,691
♪ I can finally put anything
in my mouth ♪
121
00:04:55,758 --> 00:04:56,927
♪
122
00:04:56,993 --> 00:04:58,997
♪ And now that
we're talking about it ♪
123
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:01,202
♪ I wonder if I can
put my fist in my mouth ♪
124
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,705
[muffled]
♪ Oh, my God, I did it
125
00:05:02,772 --> 00:05:04,843
♪ I really put my fist
in my mouth ♪
126
00:05:04,909 --> 00:05:06,947
♪ Oh, yeah
127
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:08,884
[normally]
♪ Oh, yeah
128
00:05:08,951 --> 00:05:10,821
♪ And also, just maybe
129
00:05:10,888 --> 00:05:13,092
♪ The other kids
won't be so critical ♪
130
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,929
♪ And also, is it crazy
131
00:05:14,996 --> 00:05:19,506
♪ To think I might stop
being so invisible? ♪
132
00:05:19,572 --> 00:05:21,008
both: We see you.
133
00:05:21,075 --> 00:05:22,477
♪ Look at me, I'm Kimberly
134
00:05:22,545 --> 00:05:24,749
♪ I got a metalfree
oral cavity ♪
135
00:05:24,816 --> 00:05:26,820
♪ I wanna stand
on the rooftop and ♪
136
00:05:26,887 --> 00:05:28,356
all: ♪ Shout
137
00:05:28,422 --> 00:05:32,364
♪ I can finally put anything
in my mouth ♪
138
00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,499
[snoring]
139
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,403
Hey, kid,
think your dad still wants
140
00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:36,873
this oldschool ponytail?
141
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,378
I don't know.
He never talks about it.
142
00:05:39,444 --> 00:05:42,350
[music swells]
143
00:05:42,417 --> 00:05:45,858
♪
144
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:47,327
[gasps]
145
00:05:47,394 --> 00:05:51,836
all: ♪ I can finally
put anything in my ♪
146
00:05:51,903 --> 00:05:53,974
♪ Mouth
147
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:55,945
♪
148
00:05:56,011 --> 00:06:01,088
♪ My life with a ponytail
ends now ♪
149
00:06:01,155 --> 00:06:03,894
♪ I just wanna put a gun
150
00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:07,902
♪ In my mouth
151
00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:09,606
[sobbing]
152
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:15,918
[sobbing]
153
00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:17,354
I'm weak.
Worthless.
154
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,859
Like Samson when
he lost his ponytail.
155
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:21,630
I told the barber
how much it meant to you,
156
00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:24,001
but he threatened
to cut my head off.
157
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:25,169
Freaking barbers!
158
00:06:25,236 --> 00:06:27,541
Relax, honey.
It'll grow back.
159
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:31,148
So what if you look like
a midlevel claims adjustor,
160
00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:32,250
or a racist viceprincipal,
161
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:35,356
or a conversion therapist
at an antigay camp, or a
162
00:06:35,423 --> 00:06:37,360
Just stop!
You don't understand.
163
00:06:37,427 --> 00:06:39,364
That ponytail was who I am.
164
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:40,634
It symbolizes my rebellion.
165
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,772
It yelled, "I can't drive 55,
166
00:06:42,838 --> 00:06:45,376
and I have a stash
my kids don't know about!"
167
00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:46,746
I want a stash!
168
00:06:46,813 --> 00:06:49,418
Jack, you're confessing
things for no reason.
169
00:06:49,484 --> 00:06:51,322
No one's gonna notice.
Going to school
170
00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:52,692
to show everyone
my beautiful, new smile.
171
00:06:52,758 --> 00:06:54,261
Dad, you look weird.
Love you. Bye!
172
00:06:54,328 --> 00:06:55,430
[door slams]
Come on, Duncan.
173
00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:56,666
We're going back
to that barber,
174
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:59,004
and I'm gonna give him a
a bop on the nose.
175
00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,006
"Bop on the nose"?!
176
00:07:00,073 --> 00:07:02,043
That's not what Ponytail Jack
would've said!
177
00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:03,212
Let's go.
178
00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:04,849
I've got school,
but whatever.
179
00:07:07,354 --> 00:07:10,460
I'm back!
180
00:07:10,527 --> 00:07:12,297
Wow, Kimberly Harris!
181
00:07:12,364 --> 00:07:13,499
She has teeth!
182
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,904
I've already forgotten
she peed her pants.
183
00:07:15,971 --> 00:07:19,244
This is my first day,
so I don't know any different!
184
00:07:19,311 --> 00:07:20,480
[panting]
185
00:07:20,547 --> 00:07:23,754
Kimberly, is that really you?
186
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:26,526
Yes, sweet Claire.
Your eyes don't deceive.
187
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:29,264
My braces are off,
and my life is anew.
188
00:07:29,331 --> 00:07:32,137
Who knows what path my newfound
beauty will take me down?
189
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:33,406
Kimberly Harris!
190
00:07:33,472 --> 00:07:34,876
You have just the look
for the lead in my play,
191
00:07:34,942 --> 00:07:37,013
"The Girl with
the MillionDollar Smile"!
192
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,550
But you didn't even
let me audition.
193
00:07:38,617 --> 00:07:40,587
You said I don't have "it."
194
00:07:40,654 --> 00:07:41,756
Well, you have "it" now.
195
00:07:41,823 --> 00:07:43,426
And by "it,"
I mean your braces off.
196
00:07:43,492 --> 00:07:44,796
Can this day get any better?
197
00:07:44,862 --> 00:07:47,568
Oh, and you'll be playing
opposite Marcus.
198
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,037
Congrats, Kimberly.
199
00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:51,475
I'm glad your teeth didn't
tear out like that Reddit girl.
200
00:07:51,543 --> 00:07:53,547
Thanks, Marcus.
Can't wait to read the script.
201
00:07:53,613 --> 00:07:55,416
Even the other
characters' parts.
202
00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:57,120
Looking forward
to our stage kiss.
203
00:07:57,187 --> 00:08:00,059
[gasps]
Our what?
204
00:08:01,328 --> 00:08:02,832
[gasps]
[grunts]
205
00:08:02,898 --> 00:08:04,869
[giggles]
206
00:08:04,936 --> 00:08:05,737
Kimberly?
207
00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:08,042
I'm sorry.
This really hurts my back.
208
00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:10,446
I'm gonna get my first kiss!
I know!
209
00:08:10,514 --> 00:08:12,317
In front of everyone in school!
210
00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:14,689
You know how to kiss, right?
211
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:17,160
Of course.
Everyone knows how to kiss.
212
00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,462
It's like knowing how to skip.
213
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,734
Our bodies just
instinctively do it.
214
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,838
[hums, then grunts]
215
00:08:22,905 --> 00:08:24,575
No!
216
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,078
That was
a little overwrought.
217
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:28,315
This time, just try
throwing it away.
218
00:08:31,623 --> 00:08:33,058
Okay, Duncan.
I'm gonna go in swinging.
219
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:35,731
As soon as I start to lose,
call 911.
220
00:08:35,797 --> 00:08:37,868
Excuse me, sir,
I have to use the bathroom
221
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:40,607
and I need somebody honest
to watch my armored car
222
00:08:40,674 --> 00:08:42,143
filled with untraceable gold.
223
00:08:42,210 --> 00:08:44,481
I can do it.
I wasn't talking to you!
224
00:08:44,549 --> 00:08:47,020
I was talking
to this trustworthy citizen.
225
00:08:47,086 --> 00:08:49,324
In case you wanna
use the radio.
226
00:08:49,391 --> 00:08:52,163
"Trustworthy"?
227
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:53,365
Oh, hey, Duncan.
228
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:57,340
Just picking up my sciatica
medicine for mysciatica.
229
00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:59,044
[chuckles]
Yeah, that's good.
230
00:08:59,110 --> 00:09:01,315
I'd love to make small talk
with you, Mr. Mitch,
231
00:09:01,381 --> 00:09:02,685
but I'm as mad as a March hare!
232
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,189
"March hare"?
What's happening to me?!
233
00:09:05,256 --> 00:09:06,391
Oh, hey, Mr. Harris.
234
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,295
I thought you were
Duncan's youth pastor!
235
00:09:08,362 --> 00:09:10,232
Ooh, that's one I didn't say!
236
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:11,803
You look official as hell.
237
00:09:11,869 --> 00:09:14,074
Whatever you're running for,
you got my vote, sir.
238
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,613
Well, I better go.
I'm in a lot of pain.
239
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:18,550
[chuckles]
Yeah, that's good.
240
00:09:18,617 --> 00:09:20,621
What is this weird feeling?
241
00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,758
Your lameass haircut
is making people think
242
00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:24,127
you're a respectable guy.
243
00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:25,363
"Respectable"?
244
00:09:25,429 --> 00:09:27,233
Do I look
who tucked my shirt in?
245
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,037
[phone ringing]
246
00:09:29,104 --> 00:09:31,441
What the hell is that?
A little house?
247
00:09:31,509 --> 00:09:32,645
It's a ringing phone.
248
00:09:32,711 --> 00:09:34,749
And as someone born
over 40 years ago,
249
00:09:34,815 --> 00:09:36,853
I have to answer it.
250
00:09:38,322 --> 00:09:39,959
[clears throat]
Hello!
251
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:42,230
If you're enjoying
that feeling of respect,
252
00:09:42,296 --> 00:09:44,535
there's a lot more
where that came from.
253
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:45,904
Hang up and follow the smell
254
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:48,175
of the smokey
cocktail wieners.
255
00:09:48,242 --> 00:09:49,144
[sniffs]
256
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:50,747
Get out of that
little house, Dad.
257
00:09:50,814 --> 00:09:53,720
Something smells good
behind this door.
258
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:57,561
What the hell is this place?
259
00:09:57,628 --> 00:10:00,534
all: Welcome
to the Legion of the Oaks!
260
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,270
Who are these friendly jerks?
261
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:03,372
It's a lameo club
262
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:06,646
that tries to
"make the town a better place."
263
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,148
[chuckles]
264
00:10:08,215 --> 00:10:09,150
Let's get out of here.
265
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:12,891
[gasps] Wait!
They got little hot dogs!
266
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:14,895
[muffled] You should hear
what they have to say.
267
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:18,402
I knew I'd get you here
someday, Jack.
268
00:10:18,469 --> 00:10:20,106
Kenneth Hanaway.
269
00:10:20,172 --> 00:10:21,341
Keg Stand Kenny?
270
00:10:21,408 --> 00:10:24,749
Last time I saw you,
you were doing a keg stand.
271
00:10:24,815 --> 00:10:26,753
Oh, I'm sorry, Duncan.
This is Keg Stand Kenny.
272
00:10:26,819 --> 00:10:29,023
Last time I saw him,
he was doing a keg stand.
273
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,326
What the hell happened to you?
274
00:10:30,392 --> 00:10:32,664
Last time I saw you,
you were doing a keg stand!
275
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,635
Oh, yeah.
Keg Stand Kenny.
276
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,672
Yeah, that was fun
when we were 18.
277
00:10:36,739 --> 00:10:38,810
But you grow up,
get married, have kids,
278
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,412
then you blow out
your esophagus.
279
00:10:40,479 --> 00:10:41,582
That changes a guy.
280
00:10:41,649 --> 00:10:43,787
So now, you're one of
those weirdos who goes around
281
00:10:43,853 --> 00:10:45,624
putting in speed bumps,
planting community gardens,
282
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:48,228
and making those little free
libraries with mystery books?
283
00:10:48,295 --> 00:10:50,065
Yes, and we want you
to be part
284
00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:51,869
of our dogooder organization.
285
00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:55,075
Sorry, man, that doesn't fit
my rock and roll persona.
286
00:10:55,142 --> 00:10:57,748
What rock and roll persona?
287
00:10:57,815 --> 00:10:59,552
Now that your ponytail is gone,
288
00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:01,522
you can get
the "high" of respect
289
00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:02,591
and the "buzz"
290
00:11:02,658 --> 00:11:05,931
of riding on an oldtimey
fire truck in a parade.
291
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:07,500
Just like Jay Leno?
292
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,304
Exactly like Jay Leno.
293
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:12,043
You're a respectable member
of society now.
294
00:11:12,109 --> 00:11:12,878
Hmm...
295
00:11:12,945 --> 00:11:15,517
No way.
You can't Docker a rocker.
296
00:11:15,584 --> 00:11:17,688
But we can khaki a Jackie.
297
00:11:17,754 --> 00:11:20,426
Put this on. We've got
a park bench to install.
298
00:11:20,492 --> 00:11:21,461
What do you think, Duncan?
299
00:11:21,529 --> 00:11:24,334
Should I betray the core
of who I've always been
300
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,440
for the respectability
I've always secretly craved?
301
00:11:27,507 --> 00:11:29,344
Yeah, sure.
[slurps]
302
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,281
I've never
kissed anyone before.
303
00:11:31,348 --> 00:11:32,684
Now I've gotta
make out with Marcus
304
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:34,254
in front of the whole school?
305
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,356
Yeah, I hear ya.
306
00:11:35,422 --> 00:11:37,961
Tomorrow in class,
I have to tell time.
307
00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:39,765
[groans]
Pressure!
308
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:43,438
You know, your father and I
were cast as Rizzo and Kenickie
309
00:11:43,506 --> 00:11:44,875
when our school did "Grease."
310
00:11:44,942 --> 00:11:45,977
What's "Grease"?
311
00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:47,013
It's a filthy musical
312
00:11:47,079 --> 00:11:49,350
that somehow became
a beloved family favorite.
313
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,123
Anyway, I was so nervous
about kissing your father
314
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:55,864
for the first time,
I practicekissed everything.
315
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:57,534
My elbow.
An apple.
316
00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,003
An old magazine.
317
00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:01,441
[in a British accent]
Give me a smooch, guv'nor!
318
00:12:01,509 --> 00:12:03,680
I'll find my own magazines.
319
00:12:03,746 --> 00:12:06,752
Well, you better hurry.
It's almost
320
00:12:06,819 --> 00:12:08,155
[groans]
321
00:12:10,025 --> 00:12:13,298
Thank you for giving me
a lovely place to sit
322
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,668
before I die.
323
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,104
Our pleasure.
And the Oaks will
324
00:12:16,171 --> 00:12:17,607
add a little plaque
when you do.
325
00:12:17,674 --> 00:12:19,444
What do you think
of that, ma'am?
326
00:12:19,511 --> 00:12:22,183
Ma'am? Ma'am?!
327
00:12:22,249 --> 00:12:24,120
[upbeat music]
328
00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:27,093
♪ We're gonna have
some oldfashioned fun ♪
329
00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:29,430
Mm.
330
00:12:29,497 --> 00:12:33,138
[all cheering]
331
00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:34,541
[all aw]
332
00:12:36,411 --> 00:12:37,814
[vacuum sucks]
333
00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:40,085
[grunts]
334
00:12:40,152 --> 00:12:42,423
[vacuum sucks]
[squeals]
335
00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:43,693
♪ But I still can fly
336
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,297
♪ Flying high
above the clouds ♪
337
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:47,834
♪
338
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,205
♪ Where we'll have some fun
339
00:12:50,272 --> 00:12:51,709
♪
340
00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:55,382
♪ Where we'll have some fun
341
00:12:55,449 --> 00:12:58,221
♪
342
00:12:59,825 --> 00:13:01,227
All right, Kimberly.
You got this.
343
00:13:01,294 --> 00:13:04,400
Marcus is about to get the
rehearsal kiss of his life.
344
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:05,402
Thanks, voice inside my head
345
00:13:05,469 --> 00:13:07,139
that spends most of the time
attacking me.
346
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:08,509
You're being very cool today.
347
00:13:08,576 --> 00:13:10,312
Shut up, ugly!
He's coming!
348
00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:11,749
Oh, hey. Sup?
349
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:13,653
Hey, soupsup?
350
00:13:13,719 --> 00:13:15,690
Ready to rehearse that kiss?
351
00:13:15,757 --> 00:13:17,326
Oh, my God.
What is that?
352
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:19,330
Oh, this? I think
it's just a pimple,
353
00:13:19,397 --> 00:13:21,468
but it itches
and my doctor says it's not.
354
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,038
I've wanted
to kiss Marcus forever,
355
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:24,575
and now he has a cold sore?
356
00:13:24,641 --> 00:13:26,846
But maybe the doctor's wrong.
Maybe it's just a pimple.
357
00:13:26,912 --> 00:13:29,016
Yeah, that's it! A medical
professional is wrong,
358
00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:31,522
and the hottest guy
in my grade is right.
359
00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:32,891
Hey there, honey.
360
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:34,895
Just think of me
as a big, beautiful,
361
00:13:34,962 --> 00:13:36,565
itchy faceraspberry.
362
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:38,301
It is a cold sore! Ew!
363
00:13:38,368 --> 00:13:40,974
If you get herpes, nobody
will ever want to kiss you!
364
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,844
And you're disgusting enough
as it is!
365
00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:44,615
Actually, Marcus,
I think we've got it down.
366
00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:45,717
All of it.
We're perfect actors.
367
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,052
Plus, um, my brother's dying,
368
00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:49,825
so I should probably
put some time in. Bye!
369
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:51,461
[wheezing]
370
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:56,539
So being in this Oaks Club
is really making you happy?
371
00:13:56,605 --> 00:13:57,774
Absolutely!
372
00:13:57,841 --> 00:14:00,847
I'm no longer mistaken
for an alcoholic or a criminal.
373
00:14:00,914 --> 00:14:02,551
Today, I put in a bench
and gave a eulogy.
374
00:14:02,617 --> 00:14:05,189
Ruthie loved her puzzles.
That was her name. Ruthie.
375
00:14:05,255 --> 00:14:07,026
Yeah, I got that.
And tomorrow,
376
00:14:07,092 --> 00:14:08,963
I'm christening
a new speed bump!
377
00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:10,800
Speed bumps make you angry.
378
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,938
You hate when things
slow your roll.
379
00:14:13,004 --> 00:14:14,140
What has gotten into you?
380
00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:17,614
I guess you could say that
this citizen is upstanding.
381
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,085
Nasty girl.
382
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:23,458
[sighs] Yes.
Yes, I am. Nasty.
383
00:14:23,526 --> 00:14:25,095
[both moaning]
384
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,070
Oh, yeah.
That's what I like.
385
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:32,811
Um, babe, you're nibbling
the pillow tassel.
386
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:35,617
Kind of like
how you'd nibble my ponytail.
387
00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:37,419
Am I?
I don't think I am.
388
00:14:37,486 --> 00:14:40,793
You are.
It's still in your mouth.
389
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,098
Is there something
you need to tell me?
390
00:14:43,164 --> 00:14:44,901
[gulps, then sighs]
Okay.
391
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,273
Ever since
you cut your ponytail
392
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:49,911
Good. Ever since
I cut my ponytail, what?
393
00:14:49,978 --> 00:14:53,285
I don't find myself
attracted to
394
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,888
Now we're getting somewhere.
395
00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:57,727
Don't find yourself
attracted to, what? Work?
396
00:14:57,794 --> 00:14:59,698
That's understandable.
You can't have the passion
397
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:02,136
for the job every day
like you did in the beginning.
398
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,071
You.
399
00:15:03,138 --> 00:15:04,708
Okay, now you lost me.
Let's recap.
400
00:15:04,775 --> 00:15:06,812
Ever since I cut my ponytail,
401
00:15:06,879 --> 00:15:11,020
you don't find yourself
attracted to...
402
00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:15,295
[gasps]
Me?!
403
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:17,066
[screams]
404
00:15:22,944 --> 00:15:24,681
Duncan,
were those corn flakes
405
00:15:24,748 --> 00:15:26,685
in that crockpot all night?
406
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:29,357
Oh, yeah.
Slow and low.
407
00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:31,929
Mmm, still tastes
like cocktail wieners.
408
00:15:31,995 --> 00:15:33,532
The trick is,
never wash the pot.
409
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:37,039
Well, you might not find
respectability sexy, Annie,
410
00:15:37,106 --> 00:15:39,778
but the "Oakdale Bugle"
sure does.
411
00:15:39,845 --> 00:15:41,782
I didn't say
you weren't sexy.
412
00:15:41,849 --> 00:15:43,953
I just said
you weren't sexy to me.
413
00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:46,057
Should we leave the room?
No, we're done.
414
00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:48,361
Just like your mother's
and my active sex life.
415
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:49,363
That's it.
416
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:53,939
Sup, Kimberly.
You ready for our big kiss?
417
00:15:54,006 --> 00:15:55,142
Girl, I think I love you.
418
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:56,411
[gasps]
Hey, you know what?
419
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:59,150
The play sucks and is offensive
to each of you individually.
420
00:15:59,216 --> 00:16:00,252
You should go
to Dad's dumb thing.
421
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:02,757
But I've been dreaming
about your first stage kiss
422
00:16:02,824 --> 00:16:04,427
since the day you were born.
423
00:16:04,493 --> 00:16:06,899
And I got this
zoomydigi camera
424
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,370
so I can get your lips
right up close.
425
00:16:09,437 --> 00:16:11,307
Mwah! Mwah!
426
00:16:14,815 --> 00:16:16,451
Dad, who invented
the crockpot?
427
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,455
Come on, son.
You know this.
428
00:16:18,522 --> 00:16:21,562
Irving Nachumsohn.
Of course!
429
00:16:21,628 --> 00:16:23,465
Speed bump
turned out amazing, Jack.
430
00:16:23,532 --> 00:16:25,937
Yeah, who needs keg stands
when you're making
431
00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:29,945
a school dropoff zone
even more frustrating.
432
00:16:30,011 --> 00:16:31,214
It's your big day.
433
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,984
Too bad your wife
couldn't make it.
434
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:34,320
Yeah, it's too
435
00:16:34,386 --> 00:16:36,892
There she is!
I knew she was proud of me!
436
00:16:36,959 --> 00:16:38,228
[whines]
437
00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:41,434
We're pretending
to not see you!
438
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:42,369
Hmm?
439
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,273
You think I'm attractive,
don't you, son?
440
00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,678
I don't know.
You're like a six.
441
00:16:46,745 --> 00:16:48,582
Mocktails!
442
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:49,416
[slurps] Mmm!
443
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:52,022
Extra tart lemonade,
Mrs. Hanaway.
444
00:16:52,089 --> 00:16:54,093
Oh, not in public, silly!
445
00:16:54,159 --> 00:16:56,430
What is wrong with you?
[giggles]
446
00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:59,403
Mother doesn't like me
having sugar after 4:00 p. m.
447
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:02,009
But lemon's a fruit. Wink.
448
00:17:02,075 --> 00:17:03,946
Are you gonna start
calling Mom "Mother"?
449
00:17:04,013 --> 00:17:06,752
'Cause that is gonna
mess my ass up.
450
00:17:09,023 --> 00:17:12,864
Places in three minutes!
451
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:13,966
Three, ya!
452
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,201
Claire, you're my best friend
453
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,939
and you'd do anything
for me, right?
454
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:18,742
Mmhmm.
Kill me!
455
00:17:18,809 --> 00:17:20,646
Sorry, as stage manager,
456
00:17:20,713 --> 00:17:23,451
all I can do is
turn the lights on and off.
457
00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:25,121
Come on, come on.
Come on!
458
00:17:25,188 --> 00:17:28,027
I heard
it's not just a cold sore.
459
00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:30,131
It's canine herpes.
What?!
460
00:17:30,198 --> 00:17:32,102
Marcus' mom told him,
"Practice makes perfect,"
461
00:17:32,169 --> 00:17:34,139
so he went around
kissing everything,
462
00:17:34,206 --> 00:17:36,979
even letting his dog
lick his face for hours on end.
463
00:17:37,045 --> 00:17:38,916
This is why drama kids
don't hook up.
464
00:17:38,983 --> 00:17:40,753
I'm doomed.
Yup.
465
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:42,757
Well, showtime!
466
00:17:42,824 --> 00:17:44,393
[sighs]
467
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,930
[gasps]
There's Kimberly!
468
00:17:45,997 --> 00:17:47,900
I love you, Kimberly!
469
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,403
That's my sister.
470
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,708
Zoom works great, honey!
471
00:17:51,775 --> 00:17:54,313
Mwah! Mwah!
472
00:17:54,380 --> 00:17:57,185
Relax, Kimberly.
I'll do all the work.
473
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:01,460
Okay, Jack,
you'll drive your truck
474
00:18:01,528 --> 00:18:02,930
10 miles per hour
toward the bump,
475
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:06,805
then slow down and gently go
over it to show its efficacy.
476
00:18:06,872 --> 00:18:08,742
If it feels safe, give a wave.
477
00:18:08,809 --> 00:18:10,311
But only if it feels safe.
478
00:18:10,378 --> 00:18:12,082
Actually, a wave feels risky.
479
00:18:12,149 --> 00:18:14,386
Save it for when
the truck's parked after.
480
00:18:17,627 --> 00:18:19,096
My phantom ponytail!
481
00:18:19,163 --> 00:18:20,700
Dude, what are you doing?
482
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,137
The only thing I can do
without you, conform.
483
00:18:23,204 --> 00:18:25,710
Jackie, Jackie, look at me.
484
00:18:25,776 --> 00:18:28,649
I didn't make you cool.
You made me cool.
485
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,051
He's right, Dad.
486
00:18:30,118 --> 00:18:32,422
Yeah, I can see him too.
Sup, Dunk?
487
00:18:32,489 --> 00:18:35,796
Enjoy those little hot dogs.
Keep on crockin'.
488
00:18:35,863 --> 00:18:37,466
Stay golden, Ponytail.
489
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:40,906
If you want to have sex
with your wife again,
490
00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:43,211
you know what to do, Jack.
491
00:18:45,215 --> 00:18:47,653
Make that speed bump
your bitch, Dad.
492
00:18:48,789 --> 00:18:49,791
Hmm.
493
00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:52,329
[grunts]
I wanna do my wife!
494
00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:54,634
[tires squeal]
Good grief, Mother!
495
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,705
Nudity, profanity,
reckless driving!
496
00:18:56,772 --> 00:18:58,709
Look away!
497
00:18:58,776 --> 00:19:01,848
Jack's back, baby!
498
00:19:01,915 --> 00:19:04,052
Whoohoo!
Whoa!
499
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,090
My crock!
500
00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:07,459
[splashes]
501
00:19:07,527 --> 00:19:09,096
Oh, mercy!
502
00:19:09,163 --> 00:19:10,599
I'm telling ya,
I've auditioned
503
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:13,070
every actress in Tinseltown!
Excuse me?
504
00:19:13,137 --> 00:19:14,339
Can't you see
I'm on the phone?
505
00:19:14,406 --> 00:19:16,912
Where was I? Oh, right.
I'm telling ya,
506
00:19:16,978 --> 00:19:19,818
there's just nobody out there
with that milliondollar smile!
507
00:19:19,884 --> 00:19:22,088
You mean like...
508
00:19:22,155 --> 00:19:23,257
this?
509
00:19:23,324 --> 00:19:25,495
Oh, baby!
510
00:19:25,563 --> 00:19:28,000
It's always been you, mop girl.
511
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,840
I love you, Mr. Hollywood!
512
00:19:30,906 --> 00:19:32,510
Oh, no.
The herpe kiss!
513
00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:36,785
I'm a stage manager,
but I'm also a best friend.
514
00:19:36,852 --> 00:19:39,022
[moans]
[whimpers]
515
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:41,528
[both scream]
Oh, no!
516
00:19:43,665 --> 00:19:45,569
[gasps]
No!
517
00:19:45,636 --> 00:19:47,005
[grunts]
518
00:19:47,072 --> 00:19:49,944
[gasps]
Oh, can I keep it?
519
00:19:50,011 --> 00:19:51,480
I'm keeping mine.
520
00:19:53,351 --> 00:19:55,756
Jack that was
so reckless and dangerous
521
00:19:55,823 --> 00:19:58,294
and I've never been
more attracted to you.
522
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,037
My man.
523
00:20:03,104 --> 00:20:04,139
[cheers and applause]
524
00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:05,542
Your parents kiss good.
525
00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:07,178
I can't wait to kiss you.
526
00:20:07,245 --> 00:20:09,316
Your mouth!
It's so pristine.
527
00:20:09,383 --> 00:20:11,453
So nonviral.
528
00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:14,192
[grunts]
529
00:20:14,259 --> 00:20:16,230
Kimberly, did I save the day?
530
00:20:16,297 --> 00:20:19,737
Do I still have
a milliondollar smile?
531
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:22,175
Nah, bruh.
532
00:20:22,242 --> 00:20:24,647
No!
533
00:20:24,714 --> 00:20:26,150
Ugh, I know how you feel.
534
00:20:26,216 --> 00:20:29,122
I lost my crockpot today.
535
00:20:29,189 --> 00:20:30,425
That all just happened,
right?
536
00:20:30,491 --> 00:20:31,628
Yeah, bruh.
537
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,640
[uplifting music]
538
00:20:37,707 --> 00:20:41,648
♪ I've waited for this moment
for what feels like eternity ♪
539
00:20:41,715 --> 00:20:44,453
♪ But today's the day
I can finally say ♪
540
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,628
♪ I've got parsley
541
00:20:48,695 --> 00:20:50,599
♪ I can mix it
into gummy bears ♪
542
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,570
♪ I can stir it up in tea
543
00:20:52,636 --> 00:20:54,907
♪ And each and every birthday
544
00:20:54,974 --> 00:20:58,447
♪ I make a big brownie
545
00:20:58,515 --> 00:21:00,519
♪ And also, just maybe
546
00:21:00,586 --> 00:21:02,690
♪ My mom won't be so critical
547
00:21:02,757 --> 00:21:05,028
What? I'm going
to the late service!
548
00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:06,998
♪ And also, is it weird
549
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:10,606
♪ I think I am invisible?
550
00:21:10,672 --> 00:21:13,578
Whoa, where'd I go?
Man, this parsley hits.
551
00:21:13,645 --> 00:21:15,616
What was I singing about?
Oh, right.
552
00:21:15,682 --> 00:21:17,419
♪ Here's the sitch,
I'm Mr. Mitch ♪
553
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,489
♪ I have a trusty hoe
554
00:21:19,557 --> 00:21:22,897
♪ Can't wait to pack
these veggies in my bowl ♪
555
00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:27,038
both: ♪ He can't wait to pack
those veggies in his bowl ♪
556
00:21:27,105 --> 00:21:30,278
♪
557
00:21:30,344 --> 00:21:32,148
You saw that, right?
558
00:21:32,198 --> 00:21:36,748
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